I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
