DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
