I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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