tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
