I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
