dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
