we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
