I feel great
I just peed on a car
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
