i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
