there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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