OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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