dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
