I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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