If i come over, it means nothing
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
