we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
