She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
