you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
