I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
