For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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