Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
