I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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