Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
