The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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