you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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