i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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