i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
