I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
