Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
