I think im going to throw up on grandma
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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