omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
