everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
