theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
