im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
