Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
