Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
