i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
