We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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