I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
