Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
