"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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