I look better un-naked...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
