I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
