we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
