Quick, to the slutcave!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
