Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
