I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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