I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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