roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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