Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
