Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
