You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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