I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
