Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fill condoms, not promises.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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