I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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