also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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